


Gone, But Not Forgotten

by shadowsamurai



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-22
Updated: 2012-06-22
Packaged: 2017-11-08 08:09:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/441057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivanova takes some time to remember an old friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone, But Not Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Specific spoilers for S3, Eps 16 & 17 'War Without End'. Set any time in Season 4.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing things for a while and I promise I'll put everything back exactly how I found it when I've finished. Well, almost exactly how I found it. ;)

B5-B5-B5-B5-B5-B5

Quiet time as rare now, but Ivanova always managed to find some. Whether it was on the observation dome, like he used to do, or down in the gardens, it didn't matter. Those were the two places she felt closest to him, and sometimes she needed to remind herself that he had existed…would exist. That he wasn't just a figment of her imagination.

Ivanova sat in the garden, breathing deeply and slowly, like he had told her once. Breathing in, breathing out. At the time, of course, he and Garibaldi had been pranking her over breakfast, but after he had left, Ivanova found that imagining his voice and breathing as he had said helped her to be calm.

She missed him. Some days more than others, but every day she thought about him, wondered what he was doing and how he was, wondered if he ever thought of them, in his altered state. Ivanova was never religious, but every morning she said a small prayer for him, remembering how he had insisted on attending Shiva with her when her father died. He had been more than a colleague and a friend, he had been a mentor, someone who she had learnt a great deal from, and her only regret was not saying thank you. Ivanova was glad, though, that she saw him before he left. She knew Garibaldi had never gotten over being left behind, and Ivanova didn't blame him. She was certain if the roles had been reversed, she would have been hurt as well, even though she understood the reasons.

People came to the garden, but most Ivanova was able to turn away with a simple look. Today, more than any other day, she needed her quiet time alone with the thoughts of a friend who was no longer with it. Ivanova knew why it was so important to her; he would have been forty one, if he was still with them. She wondered if death would have been better; at least it would have been a definite answer. Sometimes it drove her mad, knowing he was still alive, but in another place and time.

Her comm link beeped and Ivanova sighed. No matter how long she had for her quiet time, it was never enough. "In Valen's name," she muttered, then smiled and shook her head. How appropriate.

*"Commander?"*

Ivanova sighed again and pressed the link. "Yes, sir?"

*"You need to come to my office,"* Sheridan said. *"We have a problem."*

*'What else is new?'* Ivanova thought. Out loud, she replied, "I'm on my way."

But she waited, just a few more minutes, until she felt a faint breath of air on the back of her neck. Ivanova never knew if she just imagined it, or whether it actually happened, but she liked to believe it was his way of saying he was watching her as well. That she hadn't been forgotten by him, just as she would always remember her old friend.

And even though Ivanova knew he wasn't there, knew he couldn't hear her, and knew he wasn't the person she remembered, it didn't stop her from whispering, "Goodbye, Jeff," before leaving the garden. Even thought it was foolish, she hoped he knew that although he had gone, he was never forgotten by her.

FIN


End file.
